Whether you are a recent graduate, or a more seasoned professional, at some point in your career you will experience conflict. It doesn’t matter if you’re passive, aggressive, an introvert or extrovert – no one can escape it. It’s not based on personality type, it’s based on people. Why? Because companies and corporations are made up of people. And these people bring all of their insecurities, frustrations, bitterness and life disappointments into the workplace. Therefore, experiencing conflict in the workplace in inevitable.
Some people are good at delineating their personal lives from professional but most aren’t. Most people show up to work with the same heartbreak, discontentment, and drama they experience in their personal lives, making a workplace environment prime real estate for conflict. Add in some deadlines and high stress situations and you’ve got the best incubator for a world class showdown.
During my time in Corporate America I’ve personally been faced with two significant events of contention – one with a peer and another with a superior. In both situations I wanted to let the other party have “it” (y’all know what I mean). I faced internal conflict with having self-restraint not to explode and internal debate about conceding or worse – being passive. In the first event, I was on a consulting project with a poor, unknowledgeable manager. To be frank, he was incompetent and did his job poorly. I was forced to continually do assignments that were a waste of time and didn’t lead to the ultimate goal of project completion. I was the SME (Subject Matter Expert) on this particular line of work but I still had to follow contradictory orders because I was an analyst and not a manager. It was extremely hard for me to follow orders when I knew there was a better, more efficient way to get the work done. I consistently got into heated discourse with this manager because I hated doing work that amounted to nothing. I wish I could say I handled this situation with the utmost of class but I didn’t. It was evident to everyone, including the manager, that I didn’t respect him. I got the work done but the relationship was damaged. I made adjustments along the way but in hindsight I realized missed opportunities I had to maintain peace and professionalism. Because of this situation and one other, I have vital keys of wisdom to pass along to my fellow professionals. Dig in.
- Consider the long-term implications. I know this may seem evident but it’s a good practice to develop when it comes to workplace decision making. Before responding in a certain way, think to yourself: “If I respond in this way, what are the potential consequences? Will this hurt or help my future with this company?” Even if you don’t have plans to stay with a certain team or company, your reputation precedes you wherever you go. Most industries are really small. You have a high chance of seeing your same coworkers 5 to 10 years from now.
- Stay in your lane. This is the underlying lesson I had to learn from the example above. I took me nearly six months to come to the very obvious conclusion that I was an analyst and he was a manager. If the project failed due to his incompetence and poor management skills, that was on him! My job was to follow orders, not argue for the best path forward. He ended up getting moved off the project eventually because of this but it would’ve saved me so much frustration if I simply stayed in my lane. His poor management was a reflection of him. My work spoke for itself.
- Don’t take it personal. This is not about what you would allow in your life personally. If you’re like me, you may find yourself thinking “I’d never let someone talk to me this way so I’m not about to start just because we work together.” Or maybe you’re someone who’s used to speaking your mind and you don’t like the feeling of having to silence yourself. The best way to overcome this internal conflict is to not take workplace disagreements personally. Your life is more than your job, no matter how awesome it is. Leave the drama at work and don’t take people’s responses as indicators of your personal character. It’s all business.
- Never play into company politics. Anytime there is conflict, there will be a group of nosey people on the sidelines eager to add their two cent – do not entertain them. Never choose sides publicly. Even if you agree with certain feelings of your coworkers or peers its always best to stay professional and keep it to yourself. Take your frustrations to your therapist or to a happy hour – with your own friends.
- When they go low, you go high. As already discussed, petty disagreements are inevitable. You can’t control how they unfold but you can control how you respond to them. People unfairly bring personal matters into the work place (bitterness from their own life, heartbreak from a recent relationship etc.) and unfortunately take them out on their coworkers. When this happens, keep in mind that their negative behavior has nothing to do with you. If someone strikes a blow, return that with professionalism and class. It will make your working experience more peaceful and manageable over time.
